The Fireflies
by KnifeGoesDown
Summary: "I must be tripping balls dude, because I swear I just saw a singing hat." Crossover.
1. Mission Impossible!

**Pairings: **A reviewer asked me about this and I think it's best to address it now rather than later. There will be **no pairings**, this is not a romance fic. I'm sorry if this disappoints some people, but there are plenty of romance fics out there so I'm sure you'll be fine.

**Note: **I originally published this under a different penname(TheDobe) and being the absolute genius that I am, promptly forgot all the needed info to access the account. All that aside, I've decided to work on this again, I've got chapter two and three quarters of the third chapter knocking about on my hard drive but I'll only continue working on it if there are people actually interested in reading it.

**Warnings:** there will be a lot of swearing in this, so if you're offended by that it would probably be best to not even bother reading any of this. Sasuke is back in the village, the how, when and why's are irrelevant. There are probably a lot of mistakes in this, but please ignore them for now. Also, a lot of characters are intentionally OOC, Sasuke is a teenager and will behave like a teenager regardless of how out of character that is. That is all.

**The Fireflies**

**Chapter One: **_**Mission Impossible**_

Sasuke is quite often prone to bouts of self-deprecating introspection. It's something he thinks probably manifested itself during his stint with Orochimaru because there's nothing quite like an elderly man hissing in one's ear to make a person realise they need to re-evaluate their life.

It was moments such as these that made him realise how much things had changed since his departure from the village.

He was currently sitting on Naruto's couch, watching the blond read from several scrolls. It was rather comical really, because before his departure, he had never really had Naruto pegged as the reading type, but the blond usually spent most of his spare time either reading or gossiping with Sakura. It had taken him a while to admit it to himself, but he had never really known Naruto all that well. Sure he'd known the basics, his brashness and his love of ramen, but he'd never actually known what the blond was about. Naruto was a neat-freak, well-read and had more than a passing knowledge of politics. All these things about the blond had surprised him but now when he looked at the other teen, he wondered why he'd never noticed these qualities in him before.

Even at a young age, Sasuke had always been quite adept at taking in even the most minute of details about his surroundings and the people he associated with, he always thought it was something of the genius in himself but that sounded smug, even to himself.

Before joining the snake bastard, he'd had the dubious pleasure of venturing into Naruto's apartment perhaps only a handful of times, but even then, he was always taken aback by just how clean the place was. Everything about Naruto screamed messy teen, from his disheveled hair to his bright orange, sometimes crumpled jumpsuit. His apartment, however, was evidence to the contrary, even more so today. Everything had its place, and if the blond even suspected anything had been moved Sasuke swore his eyes would start violently twitching. His aversion to 'dirt' bordered on neurosis on Sasuke's opinion, but who was he to judge?

"Greetings!" a voice chimed from the direction of the only window in the room, and without even looking Sasuke knew who it was.

"Kakashi-sensei! What have I said about coming through the window?!" Naruto shouted, his anger at the gray-haired man practically palpable.

"You said to do it more often?" the teacher asked, feigning ignorance.

"I told you to stop, idiot! I do have a door you know!" the blond huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at his teacher.

"Sasuke, are you going to let him talk to your favourite sensei like that?" Kakashi asked the dark-haired teen, casually sitting on the window sill as if he hadn't just been told off for it.

"Whatever."

"Ah, you guys are always ganging up on me."

"Why are you here, Kakashi?" the Uchiha questioned, wondering if he could go a single day without having to deal with the crazy that always came from having Kakashi and Naruto under one roof.

"The Hokage's looking for you." the older man said, looking at Sasuke pointedly and the young Uchiha blanched.

Well fuck, this would not end well.

* * *

Sasuke casually made his way into the Hokage's office, calmly taking in the almost puke green flooring, and of course the ugly beige walls. He and Naruto slowly ventured into the room, slightly perturbed by how the Hokage apparently wasn't overly concerned about turning her colossal blue armchair towards them. This was a fine arrangement in Sasuke's opinion; he had absolutely no qualms about talking to the strangely shaped oak table or to the blue armchair. They sure were a hell of a lot friendlier than the owner of said pieces of furniture.

Shizune's ever-present face seemed to brighten the already incredibly bright, but quite dreary room. As always, she was dressed in her gray-ish Kimono, and although she had his back to him, he could tell without even looking that she had her arms folded neatly in front of her body.

Sasuke thought Shizune was brave for sticking by someone as scary as Tsunade. That was what he admired about her. And maybe he admired her ass a little too, but that was beside the point.

Any lesser person would have screamed at the frustrated 'UGHH!' that suddenly resounded through the room. And the noise of books and wood unexpectedly crashing to the ground would scare anybody, but Sasuke? He did not scream at all. In fact, he was not even afraid when he noticed that when the Hokage finally turned around, one of her brows was twitching and there was mad glint in her eyes.

Nope, he certainly was not afraid.

He was terrified.

He just knew Tsunade was in a bad mood, firstly because her breasts were just that tiny bit shinier than usual, but also because she'd just punched (and broken) her own desk. Now, while he didn't relish the idea of being in the same room as an angry Tsunade, he figured not being in the room would be far, far more dangerous to his health seeing as he had been summoned by said woman.

The brunet calmly looked over at Naruto, noticing the blond hadn't gone into one of his 'I should be Hokage' tirades and he came to the immediate conclusion that it was because the large breasted women's fury was palpable. Naruto was Naruto, but Sasuke knew that even he wasn't stupid enough to mess with a pissed off Hokage, that would be something akin to dancing with suicide.

Tsunade, he had come to realise, was a force to be reckoned with. After he had succeeded in killing his brother, which by the way had not been as straightforward as he would have liked, he had figured since he didn't have anything better to do, he would return to Konohagakure. At the time, he had known returning wouldn't be as easy as his departure had been (note the sarcasm) so he had been slightly cautious. However, he had assumed that since Naruto was friendly with the Hokage and the blond obviously couldn't live without him, Tsunade would be more than happy to hear of his return if only to placate the boy.

Oh, how wrong he had been.

As a person who, for various personal reasons, had never really enjoyed the thought of slugs let alone the sight of them, one can only imagine his surprise/disgust at almost being swallowed by one. Almost being the operative word because the Gods had had a far worse fate in store for him in the form of a woman with breasts larger than his head.

After his encounter with the woman, he could honestly say any notions he might have of leaving the village were almost always immediately squashed at the mere thought of what the crazy lady would do to him if he left for a second time.

Clearly, Tsunade was a wonderful person. As evidenced by her hot temper, her gambling addiction and her extremely low cut garments.

He settled his gaze on one of the blonde woman's eyebrows, trying fruitlessly to decipher the purpose behind the summons. She probably would find his gaze on her forehead disconcerting as most people do, but he thought looking at her eyebrow was considerably better than staring at her cleavage.

Now Sasuke was, admittedly, a breast man. However, he didn't even want to think about what Tsunade would do to him if she found him staring at her boob-age. Probably the same thing most girls do when one ogles their breasts. Except, with Tsunade it would be worse because the woman was clearly the spawn of the devil and thus had superpowers.

He probably would not mind having to have a staring competition with an eyebrow if the Hokage's office actually had chairs other than the Hokage's monstrosity. Honestly, whoever thought not having chairs was a good idea, clearly had not thought things through properly because making guests stand whilst you're sitting was hardly what Sasuke considered to be accommodating. If the place at least had chairs, he could study the women's eyebrows in relative comfort, instead of having to do it whilst standing. On the other hand, he did not mind doing other things whilst standing up.

"Sasuke, what the hell did you do this time?" Naruto whispered to him harshly, looking like a monster ready to tear him to shreds and Sasuke felt his heart beat just that little tiny bit faster. It was, however, something he was used to and he could easily ignore it.

The brunet just shrugged. As far as he knew, he had not done anything that would warrant such anger. Moreover, even if he had done something wrong, Naruto would not have been summoned. The last time he checked, Naruto hadn't done anything to offend anyone in a long, long time, especially with Sasuke around. People considered the Uchiha to be a walking offence so they tended to ignore anything remotely bad that the blond did when Sasuke was in the same vicinity.

He could genuinely say that he preferred it when everyone thought he was the best thing since sliced bread, he enjoyed having his ego stroked, and honestly, he thought having stalkers was better than having haters. Nevertheless, many people reviled him so it just could not be helped.

The Uchiha almost sighed. Thinking about how people wanted to kill him whilst simultaneously having to put up with the sound of Tsunade trying to strangle a piece of paper was clearly not good for his blood pressure.

Something was obviously bothering Tsunade and that something was apparently detailed in the letter she happened to be reading. The letter was either written in a language she didn't understand or the details of the letter were so unbelievably mind boggling that she thought it necessary to read the contents of the letter not once, not twice but four times.

Sasuke certainly hoped it wasn't someone writing to say he stole Sake again because he had only ever done that once. Moreover, it was only because Sakura had found it necessary to throw all of his alcohol out when she damn well knew he didn't have any money to buy more.

The Uchiha was almost tempted to give a loud cheer when Tsunade finally put the letter down. However, she merely shook her head, picked up the letter and proceeded to read it again. For the fifth fucking time. Naruto frowned, regarding Sasuke with a look that clearly stated 'what the hell?'. Again, Sasuke just shrugged. He didn't understand how the woman's mind worked either.

"Okay, listen brats," Tsunade muttered, speaking in gentle tones. She placed the letter on her desk, leaning forward slightly as if to whisper a secret to the pair. "You have a mission. All you need to do is go to a school for Wizards named Hog-warts, watch out for an evil Wizard and protect some kid named Potter. Simple. Easy." She nodded her head as if to reassure them, which Sasuke found slightly disconcerting. Beneath that calm and gentle façade, he knew there lay an angry beast.

Even more worrisome than the beast, however, was the fact that the busty woman had just said something about a school for wizards. Sasuke let out a tiny snort. He had no idea it was April fool's Day, if he had known he would spent his day waiting for a lame prank like this one instead of spending an hour pacing and worrying that Tsunade was waiting for him with blunt objects and pliers. Oh and bleach, he had almost forgotten about the bleach. He nearly shuddered at the thought.

Sasuke was a cynic by nature, and contrary to popular belief, his time with Naruto hadn't changed that. So while he tried to believe in many stupid things to appease his blond-haired pest, like the fact that smiling improved any bad situation, he had never believed in Wizards. He could understand why other, perhaps less intelligent people wanted to believe in made up things like wizards and magic, but when it came down to it, they were just that; made up.

"Hurry up and tell us the real reason why you sent for us Granny, I'm hungry, I don't have time for this." The dead-last whined, and Sasuke almost winced. Apparently, Naruto was more of an idiot than he gave him credit. While he was relieved that Naruto was not one of the idiots that believed in the existence of Wizards, any sane person knew not to shout at an angry Tsunade.

"I just told you the reason you insolent brat, so shut up and let me finish explaining!" the busty woman bellowed, and Sasuke could swear he heard her blood vessel explode; he had known the calm facade wouldn't last long. "The village owes someone a favour and now he's calling in said favour. I have to send someone to the school, and unfortunately for you two, you are those some ones."

"Wait, you're actually being serious?" the idiot asked sceptically.

"Yes, I'm being serious." She replied tiredly "He actually wanted our top Shinobi, but you two were the only half decent ones who weren't on some mission, so you will have to do." She waved her hand as if to dismiss any comments that Sasuke and Naruto might have. Talk about your pre-emptive strikes.

"Gee, thanks." Naruto mumbled sulkily. Sasuke was starting to worry something was wrong with the blonde-haired boy; he was not shouting but speaking like a normal person. When it came to Naruto that was never a good thing.

"You're welcome," Tsunade said without missing a beat. "Now, you leave in fifteen minutes and that's that. I don't care if you have a doctor's appointment, if you have cookies in the oven or if you're worried you may or may not have left that hair removal cream on for too long and you want to get rid of it."

Sasuke raised an inky brow at the very pointed look the Hokage was giving him, but decided not to articulate any opinions about it. He was far too caught up in the idea of the existence of Wizards to worry about the specifics on why Tsunade assumed he used hair removal cream. Soon, pigs would probably sprout wings and start flying too because he was now convinced that anything and absolutely everything was possible. He did have to wonder though, if Wizards did actually exist, why had he never met one before? It was all just one big mystery.

Luckily, Sasuke liked mysteries.

However, as thrilled as the teen was about the mission and the wizards, fifteen minutes would not be enough time for him to go to his home, gather all the stuff he would need, and come back to the Hokage's office. When he voiced his worries to Tsunade, however, the only reply he received was a glower and a:

"Well suck it up, pretty boy, because you're getting fifteen minutes and that's that."

So Sasuke just sighed and 'sucked it up' as instructed. He decided it would be best if he leave the Hokage and Naruto to their own devices so he bid them farewell, promising to return in thirteen minutes and no later than that.

However, as he skilfully leapt from one roof to the next, he realised sullenly that he would never make it back in time.

He felt oddly calm about it.

* * *

Kakashi was sat in front of his apartment door. On the floor.

The silver-haired Jounin gave a very loud sigh and his head fell forward heavily, almost drunkenly. Sasuke stood motionless for a moment, just watching him, trying to discern the meaning behind Kakashi's strangeness and his normal behaviour. He had to know what he was going up against.

A mere conversation with the Jounin was enough to leave many people questioning not only his sanity but also their own. He had just found out about the existence of Wizards, he did not need to feel anymore insane than he already felt. Therefore, a run-in with Kakashi was the last thing he needed.

The Jounin finally seemed to notice his presence, although knowing Kakashi, he had known long before he had even arrived that Sasuke was going to be at his apartment at that precise moment.

"Sasuke," Kakashi gave a half-hearted salute, his one visible eye crinkling in merriment. "Long time no see." The Uchiha rolled his eyes at the blatant lie.

"We just saw each other this morning." Sasuke replied, "So, what are you doing here?"

"Is it so wrong for a teacher to want to see his student?" the older man asked innocently, but his tone was too pleasant, almost to the point of being sickening. Clearly, the man wanted something.

"It is when the teacher is you." The young Sharingan user replied, leaning his back against the wall and looking down at his older sensei.

"I'm bruised Sasuke, I am bruised." Kakashi sniffed, holding up his hand so Sasuke could help him up. The brunet sighed and effortlessly hoisted the man up, briefly wondering to himself if Kakashi was so old that simple tasks such as standing up were difficult to the man. However, he quickly snuffed that thought as soon as it came. Kakashi could still kick his ass at just about everything despite his age.

"I'm sure," was the belated retort the teen gave "So what do you want?"

"I just wanted to spend time with my favourite student and also to wish you good luck on your mission!" The teacher said pleasantly, casually stretching his arms over his head until his shoulder gave a loud a loud clicking noise. That, to Sasuke, was the first sign of old age.

"Oh, so you want to paint my toenails while I braid your hair?" the Uchiha asked sarcastically, raising an inky brow.

"...What?" the bewilderment in Kakashi's voice was blatant; Sasuke didn't even need to see the other man's face to know it was there.

"We're not a pair of girls, Kakashi; we don't 'spend time together'. Now what do you want?"

"We do spend time together, what about the time you got drunk and fell asleep on my shoulder? That was pretty special right there."

"I thought we agreed that never happened." Sasuke whispered, looking around to make sure there was no one around who might be interested in finding some incriminating/humiliating information about him. Thankfully, there didn't appear to be any one in the general vicinity looking to destroy his reputation other than Kakashi.

"Oh. I guess it was just a dream then." Kakashi replied in a tone that clearly implied he did not even for a second believe the statement. Even though he couldn't see it, Sasuke was almost certain the other man was smirking. The bastard.

"Kakashi, I don't have time for this, why are you here?" Sasuke asked, growing increasingly exasperated.

"Alright, alright, but try not to be too harsh on you sensei on this one, okay?" there was a slightly pleading tone to the man's voice that, had he enough time, Sasuke would have liked to savour for a few moments longer.

"Whatever." The Uchiha replied nonchalantly, although he was almost certain that his growing interest was conspicuous to the older man.

"Okay. Could I have your latest copy of Icha Icha?" Kakashi asked. What nearly killed Sasuke was the fact that Kakashi sounded serious. The man's Icha Icha collection was almost as large as Jiraiya's and he was the one wrote the fucking books. Not to mention the fact that Iruka had found and burnt some of the Jounin's books, which to Sasuke implied that his collection would have been larger, had it not been for the 'unfortunate' fire.

"Iruka-sensei found yours again?" The brunet struggled to keep his mirth at his teacher's suffering from showing.

"I don't have to answer that." The teacher barked, almost defensively.

"Oh, then I guess you don't really want that book after all." As scary as a snarling Kakashi could be, Sasuke loved his helplessness, so he would happily continue baiting him.

"What do you want?" the silver-haired Jounin asked, his hands immediately reaching into his pockets.

"Just admit that you're whipped and we can call it even." He couldn't be too sure, but he was certain there was a self-satisfied smirk on his face. This day was the best day ever.

"You truly are evil Sasuke." Kakashi didn't sound surprised at the request. Maybe Sasuke was far more predictable than he thought.

"I did learn from the best. Now, about that confession of yours?"

"Okay," the Jounin sighed, and whispered, "I'm whipped." The statement was so quiet Sasuke had trouble hearing even though the man was standing right in front of him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that." The Uchiha asked, not quite managing to keep the smirk from his face.

"I said I'm whipped!" The man whispered again, a little louder than he had before.

"I still can't quite hear you. You mind repeating that?"

"I'm whipped, okay? Can I have my book now?"

"I don't think so; I'm not finished with it." Sasuke replied smugly, taking in the older man's clenched fists. "Unless, of course, you want an older copy?"

Kakashi seemed to ponder his offer for a moment or two, and then gave a defeated sigh.

"Fine." He finally breathed, shaking his head dejectedly. "You drive a hard bargain, Uchiha."

"Pleasure doing business with you, Hatake."

* * *

"You're late brat!" Tsunade announced as soon as Sasuke entered her office. The woman was seated behind a new, not broken desk, which Sasuke took as an indication of how long he had actually been gone.

"Would you believe me if I said I got lost on the road of life?" The Uchiha asked, feeling a tiny bit more confident than he normally would in Tsunade's presence. He suspected it had something to do with his thrilling conversation with Kakashi.

"Very funny." The big-breasted women said caustically "You had better be ready."

"Yeah, yeah, Granny we're ready! Let us go already!" Naruto burst out, standing in front of the Hokage' s desk. Shizune quirked a perfectly manicured brow at the blonde's sudden outburst.

"Alright then! I guess all that's left to do is for you to grab a hold of this then." Tsunade said, pointing towards a scruffy looking hat that was sat innocently on her desk.

Sasuke raised a brow at the hat. It was red with tiny speckles of yellow. Not only did it look dirty, it also looked well worn, as if the person who had been weird enough to own it hadn't wanted to be parted with for even a single day so decided to wear the damn thing every day.

While it was a perfectly interesting hat, Sasuke couldn't for the life of him understand why their departure entailed touching an ugly old hat.

"I'm not touching that." Naruto proclaimed, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.

"Oh, really?" the Hokage asked derisively, "But less than a minute ago, you seemed so eager to go."

"Yeah, well, that was before I knew I had to touch a disgusting hat to get to the place. Who knows what germs are on that thing." The blond boy gave a sniff to illustrate his point.

"Wow, I never had you pegged as the delicate type." She retorted mockingly, leaning backwards on her chair.

"Why does our leaving even have to involve touching a hat anyway?" Naruto uttered the question Sasuke had avoided bringing up. The woman just shrugged her shoulders, simply dismissing the statement with a wave of her hand.

"I don't see why the two things have to be mutually exclusive." She replied easily.

"Well I do." Naruto, imitating the Hokage's action, just shrugged and waved his hand dismissively.

"Good for you!" she replied patronisingly. "Now, let's move on to the hat touching."

"Like hell!"

"The hat will take you to the school brat!" the woman yelled, gesticulating towards the hat.

"I don't give a shit about that!"

"Uchiha, keep your girlfriend in line!" Tsunade snarled, pointing her finger threateningly at the dark haired teen.

"What?" Naruto yelped incredulously, looking at Sasuke in a way that suggested that he wanted to eat him. The Uchiha wasn't too sure how all these things just kept coming back to him.

"As far as I'm aware Shizune isn't doing anything wrong." As soon as he spoke the words, Sasuke realised the main reason why he never, ever told jokes was mainly because he almost always ended up offending people. Usually important people.

"What?" Tsunade exploded, looking between Sasuke and the dark haired woman suspiciously.

"You should probably leave now." Shizune whispered, surreptitiously moving further away from the Uchiha.

Sasuke nodded, quickly grabbed a hold of Naruto's hand and picked up the hat. However, he did start regretting his actions when Naruto stomped on his foot. Hard.

The strange pulling at his navel did not feel so good either.

**TBC**

So, should I even bother continuing with this?


	2. Brave New World

**Disclaimer: **While I own many awesome things, Naruto is not one of them.

**Warnings: **Lots of swearing. I would ask someone to proof-read this for me, but ain't nobody got time for that so just ignore all mistakes for now. However, this has been edited to within about an inch of its life; so hopefully there aren't too many mistakes.

**Note: _Thank you to everyone who read and especially to those who reviewed the first chapter. _ **Just as a reminder, Sasuke is deliberately OOC. If you find his character odd or slightly off-beat then know that that is what I had in mind when I started this. Also, this fic, along with anything else I've written really, is not intended to be taken too seriously. I only write for fun, and the minute it stops being fun, I'll stop doing it.

**The Fireflies**

**_Chapter Two:_** _Brave New World_

"You should probably leave now." Shizune whispered, surreptitiously moving further away from the Uchiha.

Sasuke nodded, quickly grabbed a hold of Naruto's hand and picked up the hat. However, he did start regretting his actions when Naruto stomped on his foot. Hard.

The strange pulling at his navel did not feel so good either.

Before he could react, he felt as if the ground was being pulled from beneath him as something entirely outside of himself swept him right off his feet and sent him flying into the air. He thought for a moment that the room was spinning, but he mentally chastised himself for the thought because while Tsunade's office did many strange things like changing colours at random times (but maybe he just imagined that); it never, ever spins.

However, the puke green of the wall, the blue of the enormous armchair and the grey of Shizune's dress were somehow blurring and fading together into a bizarre medley; so perhaps he was the one that was spinning, not the room as he had first assumed.

Naruto's hand tightened around his, a sure sign that the blond was experiencing the same spinning and was possibly pissed. Sasuke hoped, for his own safety and hearing, Naruto wasn't _that_ pissed off. However, the sensation of nails digging into the back of his hand told him that, not only could Naruto read his mind; he was also definitely _that_ pissed off.

As if to mock him; the pulling at his navel intensified, a rather peculiar feeling; like a hook pulling him inwards from his bellybutton.

He sincerely hoped they weren't dying; he'd always imagined himself going out in a blaze of glory and whatever way he looked at it, death by hat was not a very glorious way to go. He hoped hell wasn't as warm as the brochures made it out to be because he didn't tan.

He was spiralling towards the ground much too fast to properly catch his breath, and he thought for a second that if Naruto wasn't practically crushing his hand he would be too dazed to catch himself before being dumped unceremoniously on the seemingly hard ground. Thankfully, he came to his senses enough to clumsily land on his knees, moisture immediately soaking into his trousers.

Naruto quickly stood and pulled his hand from his, huffing in anger.

God damn, apparently it just wasn't his day. He took a deep breath, and immediately realised that something seemed amiss. The air had a fresh, crisp scent to it, which was a slight departure from Tsunade's usual spicy choice of fragrance and the slightly dusty smell that always lingered around her office. He glanced around, slightly alarmed that he couldn't for the life of him tell where the hell they were because, while he couldn't be too sure, he didn't think the Hokage's office had quite this many trees. Or any trees for that matter. He looked up at the unfamiliar sky through the thick leaves and frowned slightly.

The trees, standing utterly still, seemed to be almost flung skywards. The heavy blanket of dark clouds overhead seemed to cast a grey shadow into the forest, but the gloominess didn't do much to staunch his curiosity. Where the hell was this place?

Looking ahead, he could see trees a myriad of shapes and sizes. Some were straight, while others were bent and grotesquely gnarled. Some were twisted and covered in a green/gray moss while some seemed slender and covered in a weird slimy looking substance. It was almost impossible to see farther because the trees appeared to become thicker and darker.

Everything seemed still somehow, which only served to amplify the slightest of sounds. There was a rustling of movement to his left and his heartbeat quickened in alarm. He frowned and glanced around warily, calming when he realised the sound was only an animal rooting in the underbrush.

His senses were almost intoxicated with the subtly perceptible smells of the soil, wet bark and flowers. He could hear water running, which he hoped to all known deities meant that there was a stream nearby just in case they were stuck here for longer than anticipated. There also appeared to be deer tracks but, they seemed almost impossible to follow because the trees were so thick.

Somehow they appeared to have been magically flown, or flung rather, out of the Hokage's office and into this forest. However, that sounded extremely stupid and insane, even to his addled brain. He felt as though the whole thing was a trick Tsunade was playing on him, perhaps to extract a kind of emotion from him. It certainly wouldn't be the first time she had done that and knowing her; it would not be the last either.

He rose to his feet, trying to ignore the knobby roots in the ground, and wondered if he should help the blond up. However, the venomous look Naruto sent his way told him he should keep his hands to himself lest he have them bitten off. Naruto really did have anger issues.

He wondered, briefly, what he had actually done to deserve the hostility but he thought it best not to question the blond, he didn't really feel like being screamed at. Instead, he tried to think of what he could have possibly done to piss Naruto off lately. Perhaps Kakashi had told the blond that Sasuke was the one who tracked mud on his carpet when they had dinner at Naruto's place that one time. He thought maybe he ought to have another talk with Kakashi about not constantly ratting him out to Naruto.

Several months after his return to the village, Sasuke had started referring to Naruto as He Who Must Be Obeyed. There were several reasons for this. The first and most important being Naruto's amazing ability to scream at him until the Uchiha was willing to do anything he said simply to shut him up. The second and perhaps equally as important was his sway over powerful figures like Tsunade and to a much lesser extent, Sakura. He'd heard talk of both of Naruto's female counterparts being able castrate a man simply with a look. He wasn't certain if that was true but he valued his manhood too much to put it to the test. And he wouldn't even bother to mention Naruto's friendship with Gaara; Sasuke couldn't be too sure but he was almost certain that any man without any eyebrows was surely the spawn of the devil.

Naruto's imminent wrath aside, how had they even left the Hokage's office? He knew that he had grabbed Naruto's hand and then touched the hat. Was that how they had left the office? Tsunade _had_ been adamant that if they touched the hat it would take them to the so-called wizarding school they needed to go to. That didn't really make sense, but then again nothing involving Naruto and Tsunade was ever normal or made the slightest bit of sense.

Perhaps this was the extent of the power at the wizards' disposal. However, if they were capable of transporting people in a matter of seconds using only a hat, then why would they need outside assistance to guard one boy? Surely if they were this powerful, they wouldn't need their assistance at all, and Sasuke was pretty certain that if they could do something seemingly as complex as using hats as forms of transportation then these so-called wizards were capable of doing anything.

Something was clearly amiss, but perhaps he was just reading too much into things. He had been told he did that too much.

Sasuke supposed the forest was, as far as forests went, okay. And as much as some would like to believe otherwise, he preferred to spend his free time in his tiny apartment watching porn rather than traipsing around in dark forests so he supposed he couldn't really appreciate the thick wooded area as much as other weirdos like Neji could. As he straightened to his full height, he remembered why he didn't like forests as several twigs lodged in his hair.

He watched as Naruto brushed dirt from his bright orange jumpsuit then slowly turned to face him, his face deceptively calm. Sasuke, having now spent what seemed like an eternity back in the village, had learned to interpret most of Naruto's facial expressions. If, for example, he had a goofy smile on his face that suggested that he had either just managed to talk some poor bastard into buying him ramen or he had finished lecturing small children about the importance of not following Kakashi's example.

If his left eyebrow was slightly higher than his right it meant that he spent a considerable amount of time bitching about the Uchiha's alleged stupidity to Sakura. Apparently, that was one of his favourite past times, but Sasuke didn't really want to go into detail about that.

However, if he appeared calm, that indicated that someone was most positively going to die. Seeing as he seemed to be the only person in the forest with Naruto, he knew that meant he was definitely going to meet his maker.

The last time Naruto had been this angry at him was when he had discovered that Sasuke had ditched training with him to watch the second Icha Icha movie with Kakashi and Jiraiya when it came out. However, Sasuke had calmed him down after many assurances that it had only happened once and that Sasuke regretted it afterwards, and the blond had reluctantly forgiven him.

Ignoring all past anger, he didn't really think he was in the wrong here. All he'd done was listen to Tsunade, and really the blond should be thanking him because not listening to Tsunade usually ended with broken ribs and cries of agony.

"Sasuke, why did you touch the hat?"Naruto whispered, after a brief pause to inspect his ruffled clothing. There was something dangerously sweet about the tone. Well Sasuke was fucked.

"What?" he asked coolly. Feigning ignorance, he found, could actually bail one out of the toughest situations. Usually.

"Is it really all that difficult for you not to touch a dirty, diseased hat?" the blond asked, slowly advancing on his would-be victim. Naruto was actually beautiful in his anger, if one ignored his furrowed brows and the vein throbbing in h is neck. Sadly, Sasuke just could ignore those features.

"Apparently." Sasuke replied, shrugging dismissively.

"Ugh, I can't trust you not to screw up the most simplest of things, can I?" the shorter teen huffed, brows furrowed in disgust.

"Name one other time when I've screwed up." The Uchiha challenged, briefly wondering if he was only digging himself deeper. As much as he hated to admit it, Naruto was stronger than him (if only in terms of sheer brute strength) and as he had proven time and again, he could be quite vicious when provoked.

"That time you killed my pet gold fish." The blond retorted, glaring heatedly.

"What?" the brunet asked, raising a brow in incredulity "That wasn't my fault; you told me to clean the tank."

"Yeah but you were supposed to take the fish out first! Any idiot knows that!" Natuto's face, Sasuke noticed, was quickly taking on a scarlet hue and one of his eyebrows was twitching.

"….at least the fish was clean afterwards." The Uchiha replied, trying to dissolve the situation.

"If by clean you mean _dead_, then yes it was very clean."

"You can't still hold that against me, it was a long time ago." Sasuke was already weary of the direction of the conversation, and he knew if he didn't stop this line of discussion Naruto would not stop rambling on about it.

"It was three weeks ago!" the younger teen screeched back so loud Sasuke had to plug his ears with his fingers.

"Like I said, a long time." The older Shinobi said, finally taking his fingers away from his ears when he was sure the screaming had ceased.

"Three weeks! Were you dropped on your head as a child?!"

"Frequently, I've come to view it as an important part of my Shinobi training."

"God, you're such a moron!"

"Whatever." the Uchiha countered dismissively, wondering why Naruto was more interested in discussing his long dead goldfish rather the matter at hand. They were in a (presumably) foreign land with no actual means of finding out where exactly it was their employer was. Naruto really needed to have his priorities sorted. "Let's talk about the weather next."

"What, why?" the blond asked, his confusion clearly painting his features.

"You seem adamant to discuss subjects that are of no consequence to our present situation so I don't see why not." Sasuke argued, shrugging his shoulders in feigned nonchalance.

"Oh, fuck you Sasuke! I seriously don't know what Sakura ever saw in you, you're a total idiot." The other teen declared, all the anger suddenly appearing to drain from him. The brunet often wondered why Naruto held such credence in anything Sakura said, the girl had the worst taste in men possible, she was dating Rock Lee after all.

"Sakura and I not working out had nothing to do with my being an 'idiot' as you so delicately put it." The brunet said dismissively.

"So tell me again why you broke up then?" Naruto asked, raising an elegant brow.

Sasuke could list a million and one reasons why things had not worked out between himself and Sakura ranging from the frankly quite vanilla sex, to Lee always giving him envying looks when he thought Sasuke wasn't looking.

Finally, and more importantly, the pink haired girl had finally conjured up enough courage to acknowledge that she had only ever wanted Sasuke back because she'd bought in to a fantasy, some weird and wonderful delusion where it almost like he had never left and she just assumed that when he finally returned everything would fall into place and the past would simply vanish. She expected that everyone would forget all the things he had done, all the crimes he committed in the name of power.

The dream didn't quite match up to the reality.

It was juvenile of her really, but she'd wanted it so desperately that he had finally caved. The fact that she was easy on the eyes also didn't hurt. But he didn't really feel like explaining that to Naruto all over again.

"She thought that other guy had greener pastures." He explained to the blond instead.

"Uh huh. Whatever helps with the nightmares dude." The orange clad teen replied, brushing dirt from his too bright trousers.

"Or was it something about me being too much man? I forget." The Uchiha replied, smirking at the look Naruto shot him.

"In your dreams!" he sniggered, shaking his head as if the mere thought was far too insane for his brain to handle. "Your ego-"

"No, wait, it was her." He interrupted the no doubt long speech the blond was going to go into about the size of his ego.

"What was her?" the blond raises a pale brow at this, as if completely unable to comprehend Sasuke's train of thought.

"She was too much man."

"Heh, if you value your family jewels make sure she never hears you say that, she would be sooo mad."

"As long as you don't tell her then I have nothing to worry about."

"Why would I tell her?"

"Why do you tell everyone anything? You're a gossip."

"Don't call me that bastard, makes me sound like a woman."

"Sounds about right."

"What?!" the anger was back, and Sasuke's heart started to beat just that bit faster because god damn Naruto could look like Tsunade when he was pissed, except his breasts weren't as gigantic as hers, of course.

"I said there's a bug on your shoulder." He lies, hoping that will negate his companion's anger.

"Oh, thanks." The blond replied, gently brushing a ladybug off his shoulder. Sasuke silently thanked his lucky stars that there actually was a bug on his shoulder.

"Let's go." Naruto suddenly commanded, walking forward confidently as if he was showing Sasuke around his apartment all over again.

"Where?"

"To find this 'magic' school, obviously." He spat the word magic with such derision that Sasuke almost felt proud.

"Are you serious?" the Uchiha had to ask, because as far as he knew, Naruto had been told as much as he had. Which was to say, nothing that would in any way be of actual consequence at this point.

"Of course I'm serious! You got us into this mess, so I guess I have to be the one to get us out." He said that as if Sasuke was the one always getting them into strange dilemmas.

"Okay moron, which direction do we go?"

"Just follow me and we'll be there in no time, teme." The blond replied, grinning confidently. With that, he ducked under a low hanging branch and disappeared into the thick trees. Sasuke stood for a moment, briefly weighing his options, and decided it would be best if he follow before he lost the dobe.

This, the Uchiha was certain, would not end well.

* * *

They had been wandering around aimlessly for what felt like hours, but Sasuke suspected it could not have been more than forty minutes.

They had picked their way through the trees, trying and most of the time failing to avoid the interlacing roots on the uneven ground. As they continued forward, the Uchiha had realised grimly that they seemed to be going deeper into the forest because the trees were growing thicker and thicker.

Every now and then they would hear the occasional branch creak or the shuffling of small feet and Naruto's shoulders would tense just a little. He was on edge, and Sasuke found he couldn't blame him. There was something peculiar and just slightly...off about this forest they were in but he couldn't quite figure out what. He thought, rather dismissively, that it perhaps had something to do with the 'magic' that Tsunade had mentioned.

The ground seemed to be steadily rising and the brunet thought maybe they were approaching some kind of knoll. He could still see some deer trails but they were fewer and far in-between. Not to mention he had yet to see any signs of a path yet.

Naruto would stop every now and then to scratch his head, a sure sign that he obviously had absolutely no clue where they were going. After the first couple of times Naruto had done this, Sasuke had offered to lead the way instead but the blond had declined, mumbling something about idiots and hat fetishes under his breath so the brunet had just about succumbed to the notion that they would be stuck walking around in the forest forever.

"_Touch the hat_, she says," Naruto mumbled, slapping an over-hanging twig away from his face "_It will take you to the school,_ she says! My arse! Hokage or not, next time I see her, that old hag will pay!" he fumed, stomping forward as if he knew where he was going.

"That stupid mumbling won't change the fact we don't know where we're going." The Uchiha said, growing quite exasperated.

"And who is to blame for that?"

"Fate?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of you."

"And how exactly did you come to that conclusion? You were the one that cleverly decided to take the lead."

"Yeah, but you were the one that decided to touch the hat."

"Back to that subject, are we?" the Uchiha asked dryly; already exhausted of Naruto throwing that in his face. The next time the blond screwed up, he would not let him live it down. If it was some sort of apology Naruto was waiting for, then he just had to keep waiting because none was forthcoming.

"We never left the subject, actually."

"Mmm."

"Don't just say 'mmm' like an idiot, you know I hate when you do that!"

"...mmm..."

"You suck."

"..."

"Can we just keep walking please?"

"Hn."

* * *

"….then Sai _told_ Kiba! Can you believe that!?" Naruto shouted, his arms gesticulating wildly in disbelief. Sasuke thought if the blond kept looking back at him over his shoulder he would eventually run into a tree. Or so the Uchiha hoped. The smaller teen had been talking for what felt like an age now. What exactly it was the other teen was rambling about, Sasuke had no clue but he kind of wished he knew how to make him stop. There was only so much one man could take.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted, not paying the slightest bit of attention. Sometimes talking to Naruto was like talking to a brick wall. It really didn't matter what Sasuke said because the blond wasn't actually listening, usually because he would just supply the Uchiha's side of the conversation somewhere in his own mind.

However, this was not one of those times. He had learned that when Naruto spoke in his 'bitchy' tone, it was best to listen (or at least pretend) and not to disagree with anything he said.

"I know! So me and Sakura decided we're not talking to Sai until he apologises. He can't just go around telling everyone what we talk about."

"Of course not." The Uchiha thought it best he not mention the fact that Naruto also told everyone what they talked about, even if he always seemed to forget that fact when he was with Sakura. Honestly though, he couldn't understand how Naruto and Sakura put with Sai for extended periods of time, there were only so many dick jokes he could stomach before he felt that distinctive urge to skewer him with his chokuto. And that was saying a lot because Sasuke actually liked dick jokes.

"I was seriously going to beat him up if Sakura hadn't told me not to. You should have seen poor Hinata's face." Naruto mumbled forlornly, a sad frown no doubt painting his features. Sasuke raised a brow, slightly confused. Since when were they talking about Hinata anyway? Really, he found pretending he cared about Naruto's ramblings was a lot more difficult when he was trying to avoid walking into trees and getting hit in the face by twigs. The blond looked back at him, as if expecting some kind of response.

"Hinata is the Hyuuga's sister right? The one with the," he paused and raised his hands to chest, cupping invisible breasts "Am I right?"

Naruto stopped, turned around slowly and whacked him upside the head. Hard. He couldn't, for the life of him, think of any reason why he deserved that and he said as much to the blond.

"You know which one she is, you just wanted an excuse to do that." The blond said accusingly, looking for the entire world as if Sasuke had done him a great disservice when all he had done was ask an innocent question. What was it with blonds?

"You might be right." He agreed, partly because he thought he should just let Naruto have his say but mostly because Naruto was right.

"I am right!"

"Whatever…but you got to admit, she is impressive."

"Sasuke!" the blond said indignantly, but the slight grin playing at his lips betrayed his amusement.

"What? I was talking about her skills as a ninja." The brunet smirked.

"Of course you were."

"I was."

"I wonder why nobody else has ever noticed that you're a pervert?"

"Hn." The brunet grunted, raising an inky brow in a manner he was told was rather suggestive.

"I rest my case." the blond chuckled and walked on ahead, going only god knows where because Naruto certainly didn't know where he was going.

It was starting to get hot and stuffy, which was rather strange because earlier it had looked like it was going to rain. Despite being quite accustomed to warm weather, the humidity was really starting to get to him.

So engrossed in his musings, it took him far longer than it should have to realise Naruto had just leaned over and wiped his sweat covered forehead off on the Uchiha's sleeve.

"What the fuck, dobe?" he hissed, wondering what the hell Naruto had been smoking to make him think it was appropriate to do something so disgusting. "Is this some kind of weird retribution for touching the hat?"

"It's like that old saying goes, don't get mad, get evil!" the blond replied, grinning from ear to ear, and walked on ahead of him again.

"That's not how it goes." The Uchiha said, thinking the blond was perhaps a bigger idiot then he gave him credit for.

"Of course it is!"

"Even if you were going by that philosophy, you did get mad."

"Whatever, we're even now."

"Hn, fine. But let's stop for a second."

"What? Why?"

"So we can, I don't know, maybe survey our surroundings?"

"Why?"

"You're supposed to be a Shinobi, you figure it out."

"Well if you're so smart why have you only just now thought of 'surveying our surroundings'?"

"Hn."

"Hate you so much right now!"

"Look, we could have been walking around in circles for all we know."

"I call bullshit, you would have noticed." The blond said suspiciously. Well, crap, he'd hoped Naruto wouldn't have thought of that. He just wanted to sit down and read his Icha Icha for a bit, he didn't think that was too much to ask for.

"Fine, just keep walking then idiot."

As they trudged on, Sasuke noticed that the ground was finally gradually levelling out. Just passed a few trees he could see a clear foot path going straight forward. He assumed the path led to some kind of clearing because there seemed to be some light coming from the direction.

"Told you I knew which way we were going!" Naruto claimed smugly, hastening towards the path, apparently thrilled at the prospect of leaving the forest soon. Sasuke rolled his eyes and followed.

The light seemed to grow brighter as they went forward and they soon found themselves in a wide, almost circular clearing. There didn't seem to be as many trees growing here, just damp grass and wild flowers. The air was gleaming and sunlit so they could see the sky without other things to obstruct the light. Just further, beyond the glade, they could see a break in the trees, and another path. Sasuke hoped that it lead to more than just another useless glade like this one.

Naruto eagerly bounded up to the path much quicker than before, clearly encouraged by the turn of events. Eventually a large lake came into view as the they rode around a bend in the path, Sasuke stopped for a second just to briefly gaze at the scene.

The pristine glass like water was calm, slight reflections of the sky, the sun and nearby vegetation dancing on the clear surface. If Sasuke was a romantic he would describe the scene as beautiful. But he wasn't really so it just looked like a lake to him.

Something scuttling about on the other side of the lake caught his eye, and he frowned. What the hell was that thing? Whatever it was, it was big, almost as big as scary bitch-Tsunade's slug and that was saying a lot because that shit was big. He thought perhaps it was a bear, but for a bear to be that big it would have to be on steroids.

"Woah, what the fuck kind of animal is that?" Naruto asked, jerking his head towards the sasquatch-like animal.

"What do I look like to you?"

"You look like a dork, but that doesn't really answer my question, does it?"

"You want to get closer?" Sasuke asked, because loathed as he was to admit it, he was actually quite curious about this 'animal'.

The blond nodded and they slowly walked along the edge of the riverbed, trying to make as little noise as possible lest they alarm the creature.

When they were finally close enough to actually identify what the animal was, Sasuke raised a brow, wondering if it was some kind of weird joke.

"That's a man, idiot." Sasuke said, the trousers were a clear give-away. Not to mention the bucket the giant was holding. As nonchalant as his statement was, he couldn't help feeling slightly at odds with what he was seeing. He wasn't high so he knew what he was seeing was real and it was no Genjutsu either, because he would have noticed a few subtle nuances here and there if it was. Bat-shit crazy as it sounded, it was no illusion.

"You think he's the guy Tsunade was talking about?" Naruto asked tentatively, although his tone indicated that he hoped that would not be the case.

"Perhaps."

"You'd think she'd have mentioned our employer being half man, half bear." The blond said caustically, tucking his overly long hair behind his ear.

"Whatever." Sasuke secretly thought even if Tsunade had actually known that their employer was a giant man, she still wouldn't have mentioned it.

"And he's huge!"

"Hn."

"Even if I stood on your shoulders we wouldn't be as tall as him."

"Hn."

"You think they injected him with growth hormones when he was in the womb?"

"That's retarded."

"...fuck you, man." Naruto replied, glaring.

Naruto could be quite prone to hyperbole, but holy shit the guy _was_ huge. Taller than anyone Sasuke had ever encountered. He found it quite disconcerting, he had grown quite accustomed to being 'the tall one', if this man was really their employer, then his huge stature would take quite some getting used to.

"Hn." The Uchiha grunted, more to himself than his blond companion. He had not considered the fact that the 'Wizard's' outward appearance could be so different from their own.

"So should we sneak up behind him or something?"

"Yes, that or we could just go and speak to him."

"Great plan, real stealthy, you'd make a great Shinobi." Naruto said sarcastically and the part of Sasuke that wasn't irritated was very proud.

"So you propose we, what? Sneak up behind him and then what? Attack him? If so, I expect he'll defend himself and I'd rather not enrage the person who could possibly be responsible for my next pay check."

"I suppose you're right."

"I am right." The Sharingan user replied smugly.

"Alright fine, but you talk to him first."

"Chicken." Normally that would get a rise out of the blond, but the Uchiha assumed that the combination of being in what was seemingly foreign land and having to confront a giant probably had him on edge. Sasuke couldn't really blame him, after all it wasn't everyday they encountered people that big and the fact that they didn't know thing one about what this man could be capable of didn't really inspire the warm and fuzzies.

Regardless of all the apprehension, they moved cautiously, more so in Naruto's case, towards the big man.

"Yo." The Uchiha said when he was certain the seemingly older man was within hearing range. Naruto elbowed him in the side for his rudeness, but Sasuke just ignored him, the Uchiha would be the first to admit that he wasn't exactly known for his manners after all.

The man-giant turned towards them, clearly startled, his huge shoulders tensing. The man, if Sasuke could even call him that, had a beard so wild it almost completely covered his face. His long mane of shaggy hair further obscured his features, but Sasuke could still make out his eyes under all that hair; black, just as dark as the Uchiha's own, but they had an almost iridescent quality to them. "Who're you?" he barked, the hostility very apparent in his tone.

Well, this would be fun.

**TBC**

**_Preview:_**

_"You know Severus; you have a smile that can light up a room. Has anyone ever told you that?"_

**Final note: **while I enjoyed writing this, I'm not certain I like this chapter very much. I was actually very reluctant to post it. Should I even bother to post the third chapter? (probably not)


End file.
